"Resident Evil Afterlife 3D" (REAL 3D) is the best made awful movie to ever be released. The special effects, cinematography, folly work and just about every technical aspect of the movie is terrific.

The movie's only problem is when the characters open their mouths or when the plot (if you could call it that) attempts to get going.

REAL 3D opens rather well with a scene where a team of Alices, all played by Milla Jovovich, attack the headquarters of the evil Umbrella Corporation, the origin of the dreaded T-Virus that has turned most of the world into zombies.

Alice was once an employee at the Umbrella Corporation and was infected with a variant of the T-Virus. This variant caused her to turn superhuman and gain psychic abilities. At some point, the Umbrella Corporation created clones of her. In the last film, "Resident Evil: Extinction," she freed her clones at the end and vowed to destroy Umbrella (she also vowed to do this in the two films before that, but apparently she never found the time… or just forgot).

The first 10 minutes of the film portray multiple Jovoviches killing many Japanese people and fighting Wesker, played by Shawn Roberts, who apparently learned to act from Robot School, the evil head of Umbrella.

Stupid plot twists happen, extreme slow motion is used constantly (it is amazing that anything gets done in this universe since it always seems to be in slow motion), people are killed and Japan gets nuked…then the movie's plot starts.

In the end of the last film, the group of people that Alice was protecting left to Alaska to find Arcadia, the last zombie-free part of the world. Alice goes there on a plane, which apparently was kept in the wintry mountains of Japan with unlimited fuel and finds no one except Claire Redfield, played by Ali Larter of "Heroes."

Claire happens to have some beetle thing on her chest that mind-wiped her clean (because the easiest way to mind-wipe someone is to go through their heart). They both jump on the plane with unlimited fuel and travel down to Los Angeles. There they find every stereotype that one could hope to find in a zombie movie that takes place in Los Angeles.

The athlete, the film producer, the wannabe actress/cook/swimmer (three in one!), the pervert, the cop, the Asian and the Latino are all there in one convenient building, which happens to be a jail that appears to be in the center of the city.

The convenient twists do not stop coming when they get to the jail. The cop, Chris Redfield, is Claire's brother. You mean the character that never said anything about having a brother in the last film has a brother? Oh man, that is convenient! Wait, the cop is awesome at shooting things! That is a plus. Wait, the cop knows where the jail keeps an insane armory of weapons that cops probably should not have? That's great! But, for some reason, it's underwater. Well, that is why we have a great swimmer. Wait, apparently the cop and Alice also swim well!

The movie also jumps around a lot in the plot. During one sequence the characters are in the sewers and in another they are in a boat. Where did they get the boat from? Maybe the same place the magic plane came from! The zombies happen to be amazingly, stealthy zombies because they literally just appear behind people in scenes.

This is a stupidly terrible film…with good 3D, but it is wasted on this waste of time and money.

Matthew Munden may be reached at prospector@utep.edu.