Tailgating for the socially inept

1. Remain calm. Hopefully, you went with someone you know and do not hate. If you went with people you do not know, you may have been kidnapped. If so, call the police.

If not, try to have fun.

2. Strike up conversations with the people that look the least wasted. Actually, if you want a laugh, strike up conversations with the people that look the most wasted (if you need help identifying these people, Google "alcohol poisoning images").

3. Try to find a few spare minutes to use the restroom. Try not to drink and eat to the point that you must leave during the game to go to the bathroom because the lines just to get in go on forever and end when your business is done...which may happen before you get inside the bathroom.

4. Do not bring your Nintendo DS or PSP with you. If you are reading this, you are too old to go to a social event that is not a Dragon Quest IX meet up with any type of video game system.

5. Pick up your own trash. The people who work here are not your parents, except if they are, in that case, still pick up your trash.